Munirah Meerasa

How are you? how is she? good for you  walking into my life like a mistakes take one look and i knew.   good for you  taunting me like a joke left me in pique every time just to get my attention riding after me all the way home good for you  I was the one who hated you first Those long late night calls putting me up in a pedestal  only to come crashing down the next morning every time the whole room could hear us the whole building knows about us and yet you never call it for what it was and good for her sitting back there turning her cheeks good for you so carefree so detached good for you treating me like your own good for you making me feel like I'm yours  when you already have her good for you do you sleep well? how your baby is he healthy? good for you for breaking her heart good for you for breaking mine  good for you she picked up the pieces left me picking up my own good for you for making me feels stupid all I felt was shame good for you I bel...

It's the calm before the storm. It is there and i know it. The calm that i am feeling right this moment is a false sense of reality. False sense of comfort. There is no dread. No anxiety. Absolute calm. Hiding the ugly storm, that would come and rage all emotion, all composure. Leaving me nothing but a empty husk. Leaving me with an empty hollow, a shell of a human. Masking the hole inside of me that once again forced open. Its the calm before storm. Waiting to rear its ugly head. how much i know about it, would not have prepared me of what about to come.

love.... What is love? i off all people wouldn't know anyting about it. honestly, many time in my life where i would encounter people that i find attractive, somewhat attractive and the whole process of cant wait to meet them or find it hard to focused when they arent around and how your heart fluttres when you talk with them or the butterfly in your stomache when you unintentionally and playfully 'flirting' with them and get a positve reaction you know you've have crossed the dangerous teritory when you get tinge of disappointment or burning  like anger when other person is close with them its almost like you are getting jelous and feeling teritorial.  When i was 13 i laid eyes once on my new classmate whom i never seen before in my life. at the time i almost never talk to boys ever in my life. well except for my neigbor who the same age as me, we were close when we were like 5 year old. he would come to play with me and my sister.  but we stopped talking when we enter...

Asian in general is to me a region that have a very well mannered people especially in addressing people we use kakak (big sister) abang (big brother), mak cik (aunty), pakcik (uncle) and many other things usually this is used to address the person that is older than you to be polite and respectful. but beware, when you are addressing someone make sure you know what they status is. especially women. you may call them kakak or makcik turn out they are not mak cik. she would be so upset, and you probably would hear about it for the next life. same like miss or madam. check or confirm first before directly call them a certain tittle. point is, i am still in my twenties, mid twenties i should say. but because of how i look and project myself i look older than i actually am. even sometimes when sit side by side with my older sister who is four years older that me, people would say that i am the big sister. well one because i am significantly taller than her. so that also could be a point. b...

Entah kenapa aku nie teringat masa darjah enam. sepanjang 3 tahun duk sekolah tuh aku ni x pernah lagi laa naik pentas masa hari anugerah kecemelangan setiap hujung tahun. then masa aku darjah lima, nak masuk darjah enam aku nekad nk dapat hadiah jugak. tak kira apa, janji dapat naik pentas. hahaah silly me. dia seperti biasa ada banyak category mata pelajaran terbaik laa. pencapaian tertinggi laa. macam-macam lg. tapi yang paling menarik perhatian aku masa tuh adalah. Anugerah kehadiran terbaik. something tick in my head that i can have a chance if i tried hard enough. kreteria nk dapat nie senang ja, selama 248 hari hadir ke sekolah tanpa ponteng akan dapat sijil kehadiran terbaik. yela even mak aku nie garang namati sampai aku tak berani nak bagitau takmau pi sekolah bila demam, akan ada jugak hari yang aku tak tercapai nak pi sekolah. so aku nekad, nie tahun akhir aku, apa nak jadi, jadi laa. janji aku nak cuba, tahun nie aku nak merasa jugak naik pentas. So sepanjang tahun 2006 tu...

So yeah i probably had said it few time that i am having problem falling sleep for more than few month, more like two year but its been on and off, but this time, it happen to for few month straight. Its either i would go to bed at any hour at all and fails to fall asleep until 2 am and woke up at 4 am and again at 5 am and repetitively 10 min interval until i give up trying to fall asleep and wake up, or i would passed out early and wake up at every hour. All the wake up in the middle of the night, always caused by a night mare. Its either continuous dream or a different dream each time. So naturally i get really desperate to solved my problem. Trying so many natural things that you would do, things that any normal human would do.  Heck, i even quit coffee for a week but it does nothing! Yeah! i am pissed. Long story short i had heard of a sleep remedy that some people would take in a form of pills, not sleeping pill, but a supplement route.  I did my research, ...

Hi, Assalamualaikum, So Erm I’m back. Ha-ha, update, I am literally came back from the dead. I am recovering from a fever that is so bad that I had to take two days off work. Now I am not a person that simply take day off work for minor fever or pain. I would get so sick to the point I can’t even drive myself to get treatment. That me so when I go and get MC you know that I am really sick imagine someone like me staying alone? if you haven’t heard from me for a week you better find me. okay joke aside. This fever has been with me from two week prior, but what a few headache and minor fever, but last Saturday I woke up with sore throat and I instantly know this isn’t going away easy. Sunday it got worse, my tonsil swallowed up and it hurts to even swallow water. But I take vitamin c and drink water to keep me not get sick, but what do I know Monday I start to get flu, this is when my physical movement start to going slow and on Tuesday my joint start to ache an...

Haha.  Bajet ja kan.  Tapi kan terkenang jgk msa aq bwak moto nie macam2 jadi.  Paling common serangga.  Aq nie memang dah fobia dengan binatang kecik tuh.  Ad lah sekali tuh aq bwak ats highway nk balik.  Selalu jadi mcm nie time aq on the way nk balik lah.  Jlan lengang lah x bnyak keta.  Aq pun tengah laju.  Sekali aq nmpak dari jauh kat ekor mata. Bulat kecik ja dk terbang tala kt aq.  Aq mcm ignore tp seconds aq sedar  dah terlambat.  Ditakdirkan haluan dia dan aku bersilang. Tung!!  Mcm begegar helmet aq nie benda tuh langgar.  X jelas species apa or even menatang apa dia langgar visor aq dgn kedudukan kening kiri aq nie.  Dan euh klau aq ckap.  Dia tinggalkan kesan.  Well tau dak apa jadi klau kumbang kena pijak??  Erm mcm tuh lah.  Lendir dia lekat kt visor helmet aq.  Hahahaah.  Tekejut aq slow skit moto tuh.  I do feel bad for that thing.  I mean its life ...

Well i was cleaning my things and i found my old stash of bus ticket. well i had his habit of keeping the bus ticket i ever rode in my purse. well long story shot.  last year around November i need to get home from Subang. as i only travel by instinct not logic. i decide to take bus at pudu sentral which i always go to.  for almost four year. arrive with my white uniform white shawl. black pants and shoe. (lucky i dint wear those sport shoe yet that time. lol) i do what i does normally. with handbag and luggage that could fit me in. and the handle broken. can you imagine the state i  that time. looking ragged, i don't really care how my face or my entire outfit look like at that time i walk around act like it was fab. while there a ink stain on my white shirt.  i went to the second floor with elevator dragging my luggage with one thing in mind. to get the quickest bus that leaving withing half an hour. aS fast as i can. as soon as the elevator opens. (th...

Random thought bring me back to the 21 yr old me that live off my student loan and parents allowance. There once i was on a tight spot that i had to save money on food that i went through three week eating nothing but instant noodles. Craving for 'real food' so bad that i salivating over the 'pau' sold out in front of my college gate. Spend like 10 min debating with myself. Either to spend RM 4.00 over that and fix my craving or save that money for meal that could last a week, before my dad bank in my allowance. That time RM 10.00 would be so luxurious thing to have around. I would save any coin i ever had and when that time came would use it to buy my emergency pack of instant noodles. That could save me for a week. One meal a day and i could last for 5 days. And that 'pau' i did purchase that thing and until now i feel a little ashamed of how i would look while counting my money taking out a crumpled one ringgit note and pay the uncle. Living on the big city ...

Trying so hard to feel better. To apear strong. To be strong. Telling myself its okay. Today will go away.Tomorrow is a new day. You can't fix it, it ain't broken. But all i ever did was living in denial about the fact that i am falling apart, and died a little inside every single day. Why? Everything i ever did turns to be SO complicated even the simplest thing turn back at me. People try to used me. Try to stepped on me. Life never been such a struggle. Its get harder every single day. Every single day. My anxious keep getting worse. To the point i can't breathe gasping for air. What the hell is happening to me. I feel like being push down stuffed with a pillow while on the outside i can breathe just fine. I put my mask on Smile.  Laugh.  Eat. Sleep. But repeating that cycle is dreading to me. Im crying for help. But i know. There is no one can help me if i just keep it to myself. But i can't spit it out either. I keep fighting this feeling. Push it down my throat. ...

Drama happens to you because you allow it to disturb your daily routine and let it into your personal space.  Take a good look at your self.  Love yourself and own it. You deserve better, seriously. Dont be afraid to cut of toxic people who are just going to drag you down to their messed up life. The more you feed into it its just going to come back at you in an endless cycle.  Know which is good and which is bad for you.. Deep down you know.  If its doesn't feel right, leave it. Dont just roll into it and let people trample on you like you have no value. Its not worth the effort. You know when to stop and let it go. Just listen to the little voice inside you. Dont let people decide for you. Learn to stand for yourself. At the end, you may be lost a couple of friend but you'll be happier than before.  Trust me.

Comfort Zone. Satu tempat yang selesa tapi bahaya. Kenapa? Pernah dengar "boiling frog syndrome"? Nah dalam bahasa mudahnya. Amik katak and buh dalam periuk yang ada air sejuk. Dia x kan cuba untuk lari. Cuba bukak api. Air akan mula panas. Katak nie sejenis makhluk yang akan sesuaikan diri dengan keadaan sekeliling dia untuk hidup.  Tapi air yang panas tadi akan menggelegak. Dan katak tadi akan tetap dalam air tuh smpai dia mati aka boiled to death. Sebenarnya katak sebenar dia akan lompat dari air yang panas tuh. Tapi point kat sini. Kenapa comfort zone nie bahaya adalah bila kita selesa dengan apa yang ada sekeliling kita.  Kedudukan kita.  Kerja kita. Apa saja yang kita lakukan. Kita tak kan sedar potensi yang kita ada. Atau pun bahaya yang kita akan hadapi. Potensi. Sebagai contoh lah kan. Cuba tengok orang yang amik upah menjahit. Dia pandai jahit baju kurung.  Sehari 3 helai baju kurung dia boleh siapkan. Pelanggan dia semua puas hati dengan hasil tangan...

Why? When a guy persue you. Youre left with thousand if not million question. You're left torn either to accept it or not. what if he loses his interest once you were together. What if you end up hate him. What if he end up dislike you for your bad habit. What if he find some one better. What if at the end he left you when you already falling for him. What if after accepting him things turn. What if i make bad choices. What if i realized then that i dont want it. What if i then found someone better. What it he was not for me. The future posibility of heart break just slowly crushing my soul. What i afraid the most is not "to love someone. Is to letting someone love me." In fact i dont think i know what love is. What if i all just in your head. Writting this i realized that i need help.

Masuk tahun baru nie aq ada benda yang nak diluahkan. Dah setahun dah aq x jmpa dia. Facebook memories decided to open up an old wound by remind me of thing that ive been struggling to forget. Klau dulu aq blek dari asrama. Mesti curi masa gak p jmpa dia. Sembang sat pn jadi laa. Masa aq duk kl pn blek sebulan skali cari jlan nk jmpa. Sbb bagi aq she was a long term friend that i hoped to be forever. Well nothing ever last for ever. To be fair. She did thought me much. 1. Nothing last forever. 2. Everyone would leave us in the end. 3. There is something called trust and guts instinct 4. Believe in my self more. 5. Never pour so much without hold back on anyone. 6. Once they break ur trust. Walk away. If you want to give chance fine. But know limit and be catious. 7. Give space to your self so that you could see what really going on. Maannn the list could go on. I never been in love relationship before. But ill say that friendship break up is harder to move on. I love and ca...

So hari nie dlam pkui 4 lebih mcm tuh tgh dk kalut bt kerja.  Rushing nk bg siap. Dpt lak call.  Dk bajet nie x call panggil interview nie mesti hq it yg call.  Tup call salam x bg apa pn dak.  Dia trus tnya. - cik munirah ke ni? Ya saya. - keja x hari nie. ...... -keja ka tak? Keja! - oke rehat ke sekarang?  (Oke aq dh pelik) X ada kat office skrang nie. - oke pegi ke mesin timbang sekarang.  (Wtf?) Ha? - pegi mesin timbang sekarang. Sekarang? - ye.  Ye sekarang. O.. Oke. Jap. Terkedek lah aq tinggai meja berkaparan lari g fresh jap.  Smbil jlan tuh dgr laa suara dia dk ckap 30 apa tah.  X sure dia ckap ngan aq kaa apa.  Aq lak mcm nak maki jaa tp aq blur.  Kenapa plak nie? Oke dh smpai.  - ha.  Dh ada ka mesin timbang? Ha dk dpan nie.  ( nada dah tkr sarcastic,  aq pantang cepat jaa nk fight blek.) -oke tekan 3_ _ . . . Ha?  😦 - nmpak x kt mesin tuh 30_ ( mak nenek aq blur....