Im not the i am one hear ago.

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Masuk tahun baru nie aq ada benda yang nak diluahkan. Dah setahun dah aq x jmpa dia. Facebook memories decided to open up an old wound by remind me of thing that ive been struggling to forget.

Klau dulu aq blek dari asrama. Mesti curi masa gak p jmpa dia. Sembang sat pn jadi laa.
Masa aq duk kl pn blek sebulan skali cari jlan nk jmpa. Sbb bagi aq she was a long term friend that i hoped to be forever. Well nothing ever last for ever.

To be fair. She did thought me much.

1. Nothing last forever.
2. Everyone would leave us in the end.
3. There is something called trust and guts instinct
4. Believe in my self more.
5. Never pour so much without hold back on anyone.
6. Once they break ur trust. Walk away. If you want to give chance fine. But know limit and be catious.
7. Give space to your self so that you could see what really going on.

Maannn the list could go on. I never been in love relationship before.

But ill say that friendship break up is harder to move on. I love and care for my friend more than they would imagine. Maybe some of them dont deserve it. Todays im blessed enough to have one dear friend who dear to me. My partner in crime. Though at time i was really hold back to care for her and leave strain to our friendship.

I guess that jaded me since that day. The day i realize everything is upside down, my world fade to grey. I had to face her every day for 10 hours. Knowing that as soon as i turn my back, she would be talks shit about me. It was bitter. I would walk to a room with they talking and suddenly they just shut up.

I guess i always know from the start. But that me. So naive and trust people so easy. So forgiving. She is the the last person i would have imagine would be doing this to me. My naive and foolishness had driven me to this situation. If im putting the blame on her i might as well take the half of the blame.

Couse i let they fooled me. I let them have wrong thought about me. Says thing about me that only god would know. Guess Allah love me so much that he make me overlooked that fact and still treated her nice as if nothing happens.

But for god know she just purely hate me. Refuse to even worked in the same shift with me. While before she begs to have same working hour with me. Prefer to have her mother came send her and pick up her than coming with me. While her mother used to persuade me to let she ride with me to work.

Maan how on earth did i let that happen to me. Why did i put my self in that position. Just why. Its true. I still remember the pieces of everything and it hurt me so bad. Somehow painful memories is stronger that good one. I never sees her the same way. Not because of what happens back than. What hurt the most is that i trust her and she betrayed my trust and our 5 years friendship.

Her mother did says sory. But that only make it worse. Thing that she did to me. Not single one of them i told my mother. Not one bit. Why because my mom know her.  Even know her mother.

But she?

Meh. What done is done. Its been a year since i blocked her off Facebook and blocked her number. Basically cut off any ties i had of her. It not in my attention of cutting off "silaturahim" but until i can looked in those eyes with no regret and smile that same smile i used to had when our days were brighter. Im taking a hiatus off this things. Frankly i'd bump with her last day of ramadhan. She did say that she want to meet me again like that way we used to be. But in my heart im screaming no.

Just please, looking at you like this ripping my heart to pieces. No. Its no more. Glad to know that she moved one hour away. Guess we wont be seeing each other that often anymore.

Its just when i decide its done. You wont be hearing anything from me anymore for the rest on my life. I would disappear just like you always wanted.

If my life ends sooner than i hope to be. Know that ive forgive you. But to accept you back like we used to be? No. Ive give you so many chance thinking she is pure friend. It would be better of you act like you never know me if we ever meet again in future. Seriously.

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