Munirah Meerasa

I look at the girl standing in the mirror I never did stopped and look at her ever I looked everywhere, her lips, chin, cheek, hair, shoulder, but refuse to meet her eyes I don't know how i would felt if i do, because i never try. She brushed her waist length hair Struggling to breathe To stay calm to look calm Her breath stuck and her finger trembling It won't stop, her living nightmare I stare at her boney wrist Wandering what's the tragedy What the triggers What drive her to this place She bite her lips Catching her breath Her eyes darted to the scissors on the corner I pity the discarded hairs on the floor They again became the victims Of her war against herself She breathe again Nothing changed But is her ways of saying "I had control on the situation,  not everything, at least this, i can i can control. " If you get the gist, it was me. In one of the moment of my mental breakdown where i lost sense of control and life in general i cut ...

Hey so. When i was 16 i moved to a boarding school. So like any other school we have prayer every day during dusk. Maghrib prayer. One day, when walking back from dinner as passing through the surau i hear a voice reciting surah aq quran. I was thinking that I've never heard that voice ever before. So i stopped and ask my roomate who also my classmates and seat mate, "Who is that? " she smile knowingly and just keep walking. Then the next day also the same thing, this time i heard his during adzan. And i was like "That voice goes straight to my heart." Again my roommate smiles at me. Without knowing who the owner of that voice i ask my boy classmates, yeah he would know. "Hey you wouldn't happen to know who doing adzan last maghrib do you?" "Owh. That must be Syaiful Akmal." And my life crushes in front of me. Why?  Heh let me tell you, Syaiful Akmal is that one guy that manage to make me hate him. And i don't hate on people ea...

Hi, Assalamualaikum, So Erm I’m back. Ha-ha, update, I am literally came back from the dead. I am recovering from a fever that is so bad that I had to take two days off work. Now I am not a person that simply take day off work for minor fever or pain. I would get so sick to the point I can’t even drive myself to get treatment. That me so when I go and get MC you know that I am really sick imagine someone like me staying alone? if you haven’t heard from me for a week you better find me. okay joke aside. This fever has been with me from two week prior, but what a few headache and minor fever, but last Saturday I woke up with sore throat and I instantly know this isn’t going away easy. Sunday it got worse, my tonsil swallowed up and it hurts to even swallow water. But I take vitamin c and drink water to keep me not get sick, but what do I know Monday I start to get flu, this is when my physical movement start to going slow and on Tuesday my joint start to ache an...

All of the sudden today i've remember something from the past. From when i was 15. This shows how vulnurable i was and still am. I take shit from people all the time and people just sees me as an easy target. But i am about done when they decide to just throw me like a piece of trash just because they could. I remember that i am so done with their shit and decide to stick to myself or rather stick to my egoself at the time but it is shown that i am not letting them do what ever they sees please. This happen when USM (University Sains Malaysia) had a join program with seagete to empower women, and they pick school from all around Penang to send their female student who are excell in Sains to participate in their program which is consist of attend 3 course for the whole day. So one day, our science teacher call out names that going to join this event. She pick based on our mark on this recent exam. the highest 4 from our class would join along with another 3 class. This when thin...

Struggles Of Being A Tall Girl Sometimes being tall and female can be a struggle. For example, people seem to be of the opinion that girls should be short and fragile, mostly due to sexist ideologies. And in addition, sometimes it feels like every single clothing and shoes company is against you. What's a girl to do? Well, find other people who relate! Here are some of the struggles that a lot of tall girls can relate to: People commenting on your height. Whether it be just “Wow, you’re taller than I expected!” or “How’s the weather up there?”, there are no shortage of comments when a girl is tall! Having to stand in the back of group photos. When people say “let’s take a group picture!”, you automatically flock to the back. It’s become a reflex at this point. Low ceilings. As if you needed another reason to feel tall (and possibly hit your head). High fives with shorter people. Having to lower your arm/make them reach higher up is always a struggle. Being the ...

I wish i can say that, I wish, me before was this was happy and have an exiting life. But oh no, i don't. Most of my childhood memories is gone. Not just faded, but gone completely. Its like those memories is force out from my brain. Yeah, if i sums up what my "memory" was like, i can assume that it quite traumatizing. How i know? From stories that my mother sometimes tell me. Because i don't remember any of it. I consciously create image in my brain imagine how it would be based on the stories that she told me about. How bad i was bullied, How terrified i was, to talk to basically anyone. How i so afraid of my kindergarten assistant that one time i spill my soup on the floor during snack time. i wipe the floor using my own uniform because i afraid of what she would do to me if she find out about it. How i would stare at the ceiling of my mother bedroom thinking what it would be if i am braver that i am. How could i make them repay what they did to me. Okay...

I've know how short my memory span is, but strangely i can't remember 90% of my childhood. Most of the things i remember now probably a make up scenarios or make up scene from what my mother stories. Like how i was lefties when i start to write. I swap writing using right hand because my dad being superstitious he is he would scold me when he sees me using left hand. "Because it was dirty." I don't blame him though, because i don't remember this myself. Only what i mother told me about. But i kind of wish that i didn't stop from using left hand entirely. Still salty about it. side note i always write with right hand and do other stuff with left hand. at the time i  thought i'm just weird. hahahah. Also when my class mate told me that my handwriting used to be so neat. i was like. wtf. My handwriting was horrible. It still does. well i don't ever remember that i once had neat handwriting. I could go on and on about this, but my point is. Now ...