HER

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I look at the girl standing in the mirror
I never did stopped and look at her ever
I looked everywhere, her lips, chin, cheek, hair, shoulder, but refuse to meet her eyes

I don't know how i would felt if i do, because i never try.
She brushed her waist length hair
Struggling to breathe
To stay calm to look calm
Her breath stuck and her finger trembling

It won't stop, her living nightmare
I stare at her boney wrist
Wandering what's the tragedy
What the triggers
What drive her to this place

She bite her lips
Catching her breath
Her eyes darted to the scissors on the corner

I pity the discarded hairs on the floor
They again became the victims
Of her war against herself

She breathe again
Nothing changed
But is her ways of saying

"I had control on the situation,  not everything, at least this, i can i can control. "

If you get the gist, it was me. In one of the moment of my mental breakdown where i lost sense of control and life in general i cut my hair off. Thinking that at least i can control that thing of my life. Trying not to get so dark but i don't lose control to a point of cutting my self or something like that. I mean,  i did swallowed 4-5 panadol because i can't sleep and my braing is running for miles. And i sleep like the whole day. But thats was me 3 years ago. Today, i would go as far as cut my hair off or just unconsciously picking at my skin (where you think the scar on my face came from?)
I just want to say that anxiety is real, depression is real and i am one of the living proof. As much i try to put an act that everything is okay. Played it cool,  act like an asshole to my sibling so that they wouldn't notice the change in my face or when i am depressed. I still came here and try to convey what its like being in my head. Oh well i should go to sleep now.

Bye.

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