So done with being bullied.

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All of the sudden today i've remember something from the past. From when i was 15.
This shows how vulnurable i was and still am. I take shit from people all the time and people just sees me as an easy target.
But i am about done when they decide to just throw me like a piece of trash just because they could. I remember that i am so done with their shit and decide to stick to myself or rather stick to my egoself at the time but it is shown that i am not letting them do what ever they sees please.

This happen when USM (University Sains Malaysia) had a join program with seagete to empower women, and they pick school from all around Penang to send their female student who are excell in Sains to participate in their program which is consist of attend 3 course for the whole day. So one day, our science teacher call out names that going to join this event. She pick based on our mark on this recent exam. the highest 4 from our class would join along with another 3 class.

This when things start to tilted. The other 3 girls were from the popular girls i am the 4th one that are oddly enough to scrore the hieghst mark and so i was automatically chosen to go.

After the announcement were made i was quite happy that i got to go. But a little frezeld that i going with none of my close friends.

Little did i know few minutes latter a rumors start to going around the other 3 girls decide to 'replace' me with their friend that left alone to be fair she didnt get selected because she the 4th highest on the list so she went to the teacher and told her that, it would be fair to bring here along because she can be with her friends. Why bring me while i am going to be alone with no friends beside she is in the top 5. The teecher want to be fair.

Call me. and ask if i want to go or not.  i without skipping a breath i told her out clear, "No i want to go." she was like. "Alright then."

On my way to go back to my seat i could feel the burning glare from their table. But i dont care.

Why would i back down. Yeah i dont ask for it. I got choose to go, and i earn it with my score.

At the end the teacher stick to the first decition made.

On the day of the event i still go and adapt myself to going solo.
I did sit alone in the bus but all was well. Little did i know i meet one of my secondary school friends there.

I still remember when i talk to my teacher about it. My troat clog up and my chest hurt. All i was thinking is why they had in their head to mock me and to push me away. Just because they want things to favor them. What about me? how i feels, and what i want.

I am so glad that at that time i manage to stood up for myself and didnt cower to their action. I am so used of backing away and give in to other. But i know what i want and wont sacrifice myself to others again.

Rather than feeling like a shit when i remember that. After writing this i felt like i won back then. I gain something that is so rare for me. Proud. I proud of my 15 yr old that said back to their face that i want that and i am fucking get it.

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