Munirah Meerasa

I don't know if i should up this thing or not. But this morning sahur almost didn't happen. Losing my appetite over some freakish dream about a guy that i didn't expect to be dreaming of. Well maybe because of the special birthday wish he wish for me or what i don't know. So this dream. I seem to arrive at a some sort of vacation house. A man was waiting for me. A soon as he fill me up about my stay there then 'he' show up. The last man i want to appear in my dream. God why? So this guy came to me. Well me. I don't expect him to be there of course. No. Almost mad at him i ignore him. But. He is a very hard to ignore type of guy. Even in real life. The feeling of his skin touching my skin is real and i FREAK OUT evn remember about it now. Wtf?! A guy double of my age. With 3 kids and TWO wife. ~let that sink in~ Why would i even dream of him like that. I dont want to go even further. The thing was. He somehow know about my birthday and dig until he get...

I guess, i know what coming. I had known for a long time. Before you even confess to me. Before we had that conversation. I've known about your feeling. I realized it way earlier that you had know. Perhaps way earlier that you realized it your self. Shame. I am a constant denial. I denies everything and anything. I need solid proofs. Thus with just gut feeling, how you expect a realist like me going to admit it?.  Like the way you treat me is different. Im not that thick. I realized it at a first glance but it's a curse of second guessing everything. At the moment when you start to had all your attention to me. At the same way when you stopped looking at my way. A simple thing. I know. The stories that were told to me just an icing to the cake. From the beginning i know about your feeling i had count when will you stop liking me. I had it coming from the beginning. I don't hate you for your feeling what ever that is. I just had trouble with dealing lingering feeling. So ...

So kalau ampa tanya aku pasai bercinta kaa teman hidup kaa, jangan heran kalau aq diam or senyum sinis jaa. persepsi untuk hubungan romantis (sebut pn geli geleman) nie mmg dah merosot dh. semua sebab makhluk bernama lelaki yang berasal dari planet of jackass. kalau tak jumpa f**kboy. jumpa yang kaki penipu/kasanova. tak pun yang hati tak teguh. haih. aku nie dah laa ada masalah untuk sayang orang and terima orang sayang aku. apatah lagi sayang diri sendiri.... Sorang tuh dari single sampai bertunang, duk bodohkan aq konon suka kat aq laa. last2 betunang dengan orang lain. sorang lagi tuh pun mengaku head over heels dah dengan aku. lama dah duk simpan perasaan kat aq. siap ajak kawen lagi tau. maybe sebab aq nie terlalu dingin and berkeras layan dia macam kawan jaa. yela tak ada ikatan lagi kot. aku bukan jenis yang layan lebih2. tup tup jumpa keluar dengan perempuan lain. patot laa whatapp aq tak balas pun. kalau tidak kaa. seminit tuh kira lama laa. kalau aku nie jahat. boleh jaa...