Munirah Meerasa

It's all the same And yet so different, So predictable Still so difficult Unmanageable The high high. the low low, When you reach the high high, It's like ecstacy so calming  so high So bright Smile for the first time ever. Nothing can take this away. the low low Come crushing down  You at the pit of the lowest  Dark and grey The edge of furthest drop Why even try Why even bother There is no use There is no point You can just end it here Right now Why keep going  why even try There are time  where you would be at the highest mountain  the peak of your emotions  the best you can ever be.  Then there the low,  the lowest you can be.  Crawl up in the dark corner.  Everything turns grey and musky There is no in between.  So um, i been having an episode right now, sorry if the post has been depressing but it always comes to me when i at my lowest emotions. And yeah I'm depressed today.

I shut my eyes, trying to calm my self. I pressed my lips together. Why the fuck did he talk so fucking slow. It just a simple question. Give me a simple answer. I rub my temple with my right hand while the other hand is grabbing the phone half listening half is trying to calm down. I don't know why today though. I'm just, off. I bit my lower lip, holding it in, do. not. explode. While the person on the line is still going on how his subordinates is so problematic with his attendance and all. I've been holding myself together to not cut him off. I am not always like this. Usually, i am very level headed person. Even when push come to shove, i will always try to turn around to focus on the problem and not people. Never point fingers to say i was right, you were wrong.  But, today. I was feeling a LITTLE bit, off.  I inhale, "hmm, yeah" "...he been having problems with his wife. She beat him up, at least that what he said.." "did he go to clinic and g...

When you take all the daily work that keep me busy all day long away, when you turn off the music that keep playing around me, when all my friends went home, when my family are kept busy with their own life,  when i am alone with Me.  I am nothing.  a shell of my human body, a hole that deep and dark that awake at night, pretending to asleep. I am trying to fight my demon daily.  sometime i win, someday i don't.  sometime they were quieter, today they aren't. today they are louder than ever. and maybe tomorrow I don't feel like fighting. 

When sleep is no longer an escape, being busy is no longer distracting, when food taste bland, and the vibrant color fading to grey, The voices starts getting louder, when fake smile feels foreign, blood pumping harder, your vision is tunneling your dark wall is starting to caving in, the nightmare became constant reminder of your strain posture. brain not responding as quickly as yesterday, when the realization hit its happening.. you are slipping... again.