Munirah Meerasa

I want to tell you. Everything. I want you to know. I want to be transparent. But I'm used to hold it in. I don't know how to tell. Sorry that i am such a baggage. I dont want to ruin your day with what going on in my head. Sorry. I am so sorry. Im not pushing you away. I put distance because you are better off without me and my issue. I'm used to hold it in. But i want to talk to someone. But who will listen without judging. Who would understand with no questions. I would rather hang myself that answer those questions. Explain to you thing that i can't explain to myself.

This may seem like a joke or some obsessed fan. But the news hit me like a truck. When i can't reach my feeling he just grab it and tear it down. 18 December 2017 6.30 pm. R. I. P Jonghyun. One with such spirit,  energy, voice of angel. The list could go on. One hour after his death i received the news and i keep looking at the date. Feels betrayed and almost like a joke. But no. Oh how i wish it was a joke. Still i hope that it isn't true. But it already happened no one can turn back the time. Nothing can be done. The thing that hurt me the most was the fact that he go with so much pain. He was in pain all this time. So much pain that he sees no way out and decided to end it. End his own life. Suicide is never ending someone pain. You died leaving the pain behind to the world to feel it. The thing with depression is that people who dont have it. They don't get it. I could roughly understand the pain he going through. Ive been there. And it is fucking scary. Scary that...