Munirah Meerasa

Its not like its never happen to me before. Being nervous to death when i had to approach someone to talk to them. I still am. To much depending on someone i know. Because its better and comfortable to talk to them rather than approach someone new. Revealing how i feel is just an excruciatingly painful. I rather put on a mask and tell the half truth. I know. Not all can be perfectly honest in this cruel world. But i felt like im too naive. Be myself in public is too much revelation to other. Damn social anxiety.

Trying so hard to feel better. To apear strong. To be strong. Telling myself its okay. Today will go away.Tomorrow is a new day. You can't fix it, it ain't broken. But all i ever did was living in denial about the fact that i am falling apart, and died a little inside every single day. Why? Everything i ever did turns to be SO complicated even the simplest thing turn back at me. People try to used me. Try to stepped on me. Life never been such a struggle. Its get harder every single day. Every single day. My anxious keep getting worse. To the point i can't breathe gasping for air. What the hell is happening to me. I feel like being push down stuffed with a pillow while on the outside i can breathe just fine. I put my mask on Smile.  Laugh.  Eat. Sleep. But repeating that cycle is dreading to me. Im crying for help. But i know. There is no one can help me if i just keep it to myself. But i can't spit it out either. I keep fighting this feeling. Push it down my throat.